ash

i just typed a chunk and its gone now. i guess god isn't done with his games with me. anyway i'm taking this as a paper for my head because i realize that too many trees have to die for me to support my writing habit with the 3 notebooks i'm using co-currently.

i really should be going to bathe now, or eat dinner, or study for my test. but i'm suffering from an attack of depression.

sigh sometimes i tell myself that everyone around me is superficial and juvenile yet deep down i know that i'm the one with those qualities. i've spent all my life, though it isn't a long one, trying to be all the people i respect. in the process i've neglected the real me, if there was a real me in the first place, i really can't remember.

i thought if i had something it would improve me leaps and bounds, then this wednesday i got it and i realized that it wasn't what i didn't have that was the problem but who i was that was the problem.

my life doesn't suck and i should be grateful for all the things i have. but i don't. everything i'm good at i hate and everything i like i suck at. my grades are never good enough because i probably work ten times harder than the average person but only get like a couple of marks higher. everytime i realize something else i can't do, i get really upset at myself. like just now when i forgot how to spell ought. or a math sum. to be honest, it could be the world's expectations of me that kill me or maybe it's just my own expectations. yet it doesn't matter. the bar for me is always set impossibly high that i never reach it.

in my head i always have a dozen scenarios that i play back and forth again. sometimes they are of things that have already passed or that i think up of alternative actions i could've done. at other times, they are of stupid things. sometimes i actually act them out. sometimes i manage to convince the people around me as well that i'm sick and need to go when i just want to get away.

i'd run away if there was anywhere to go. in any case i have to go now because there are people behind me now and i am paranoid that they'd read this when i'm putting this here for the entire world to read.

Love. 7:35 PM




ash*

when are we gonna meet up this hols? heh i very busy... got loads of hmk including 3000 chinese words to study... shit lah... anyway I'm free on the 14th, 16th, 18th and 21st... we must go out yah? yah? yah?

Love. 6:02 PM




ash*

Seventh Level of Hell

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Guarded by the Minotaur, who snarls in fury, and encircled within the river Phlegethon, filled with boiling blood, is the Seventh Level of Hell. The violent, the assasins, the tyrants, and the war-mongers lament their pitiless mischiefs in the river, while centaurs armed with bows and arrows shoot those who try to escape their punishment. The stench here is overpowering. This level is also home to the wood of the suicides- stunted and gnarled trees with twisting branches and poisoned fruit. At the time of final judgement, their bodies will hang from their branches. In those branches the Harpies, foul birdlike creatures with human faces, make their nests. Beyond the wood is scorching sand where those who committed violence against God and nature are showered with flakes of fire that rain down against their naked bodies. Blasphemers and sodomites writhe in pain, their tongues more loosed to lamentation, and out of their eyes gushes forth their woe. Usurers, who followed neither nature nor art, also share company in the Seventh Level.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Love. 5:50 PM